Stand Up

Today we are going to talk about not letting someone Dull your sparkle.

I know many people have seen (or at least heard of ) the show Dance Moms. I would first like to preface this with how I don't think that show is an accurate depiction of the dance world....for the most part. That being said, my family is EXTREMELY lucky that we have landed ourselves at a dance studio where I can honestly say there is no Drama. Literally, everyone gets along, the parents are great, the staff is FANTASTIC, and the dancers are some of the sweetest kids I know. They are genuine. Their kindness is not fake. I can also say, we haven't always been this lucky.

This topic in general is something that has been on the back of my mind for about 2-3 years now.. and even more so now. I say we haven't always been as lucky as we are now because we have been at some places before where we dealt with bullying, lying, and unfair treatment.... not just towards us but have witnessed it towards others. I also stood quiet while it happened

Someone recently made a post on Facebook talking about how as children, we are taught about bullies and raised to not be one and taught how to deal with them in a mature manner...however, I feel like we often graze over bullies in the adult world. I know it seems strange to think about it but bullying doesn't go away in adulthood, and when an adult is dealing with a bully, it trickles down and affects others, their families, their children etc.

I do consider ourselves (especially in hindsight) extremely fortunate that my husband made the call to yank us from a situation that was causing a lot of stress, depression, and sleepless nights due to bullying. I also must admit that I tried to make excuses for the bullying behavior and defend the bully(s). I would ignore things because it was just happening to me, so I could "tough it out for kamdyn"... In doing so, more issues formed for my daughter. She started to be effected by what i was dealing with. it bothered her. She too was also dealing with her own level of being bullied, by different people than myself, as well as the same. Once I realized that she was starting to deal with her own level of issues, it became a whole new issue for me as a mother. It was one thing for me to deal with the bullying behavior, but it was another to bring a child into it. Her sparkle was being dulled, and I was NOT okay with it. I just didn't know what to do, because mine was also being dulled.

What hurts my heart even more is the fact that the bullying did not end after we left, it just moved on to new people..and more for that matter. This year I witnessed many people walk away from similar situations to what I was dealing with. Some of them had reached out to me to apologize for believing what they heard about our family because they knew the stories weren't true, but they were being bullied to not speak with us. I never heald anything against them because I knew what they were dealing with because I too had been in the same situation. I just didn't want to try to vindicate my family to them at the time due to fear it would put them in an uncomfortable place. I also am a firm believer that everything works its own way out in the end. It may not be as fast as I want, but eventually, the truth comes out.

I will never forget the day my husband pulled my daughter. We stood in a laundry room and both cried about it because it was so hard for us. I then had to pull out "Tough Strong Mom" and tell her to wipe her face off, she had rehearsal. We loaded up in the car and drove to the ballet conservatory to take her to rehearsal, and I immediately got on the phone with a close friend of mine and told her we needed a new dance HOME for kamdyn. I knew she was talented and it's her passion so I knew we would find somewhere to go and that would take her. We spoke to a few places that were interested in her and I told her the decision was ultimately up to her. I wanted HER to be happy where she was. I remember talking to the owner of the studio we are at now (while out on the front lawn of the ballet studio) and I just laid it all out on the phone. I said this is what we were dealing with, we literally just left about an hour ago. I'm NOT going to take her out of one emotionally abusive location and put her in another. She was extremely real with me. She said to bring her in, let her meet the girls, see some of our dances, and make a decision. All she asked was if we didn't choose them, not to share their choreo...which was a given. This was a Friday evening.

I gave kamdyn the rundown of all the studios we talked to and told her to take the weekend to think about it. We were going to Kansas City for the weekend since she was an apprentice at a convention and was helping out that weekend. I told her lets have a girl's weekend, and make a trip of it. I told her not to worry because we would figure out something for the year. We had a great weekend and did some shopping and just didn't worry about it.

Monday came along and she decided to go try some classes at the Dance Force. When I went to pick her up, I remember she seemed so happy. The girls were all so nice. I remember sitting in Saylor's office waiting to talk to her about whether she had a place on her team for Kamdyn or not (since the season had already started). I happened to run into a mom I knew so we were chatting. I remember Saylor poked her head out to me and said the funniest yet most real thing " Umm, your daughter is amazing, I love her. She needs to be here. If you take her anywhere else, your dumb". then walked off. It really made me giggle because that is my type of communication lol. I responded with "It's Kamdyn's decision :)". Afterward, she asked if I wanted to come watch the combo she had taught, which of course I did. After kamdyn did it, I remember she looked at her and said " your not confident in yourself are you". Kamdyn and I both shook our heads no. Her confidence had been 100% broken. The owner followed up with, "Well you should be because if you weren't good, you wouldn't be here. " She looked at me and said, "I'm going to fix that".

On the drive home, I didn't even get the chance to ask her how she liked it because she just couldn't stop talking about how nice everyone was. She said they welcomed her like she had always been there. She was so happy. I hadn't seen her that happy in a long time. Her sparkle was back! I was so happy that she was happy. She couldn't wait to go back the next day. I also knew that I liked the owner's no-BS way of doing things. She just seemed very real. I felt like if she didn't have space for kamdyn, she would have said so. The team also really stepped up and helped kamdyn learn the dances. She came back the next week and had already learned most of them via video and help from her teammates.

It really goes to show that a good environment and make a huge difference. I was watching her run a dance the other day with her team, and I just couldn't believe the difference in her dancing. I mean, not to brag, but she truly looked amazing and stong. She looks happy. We went from her crying every night on the way home from the studio, to not a single time. She hasn't cried a single time on the way home from the studio since we started at the Dance Force. All this to say, as a parent, don't be afraid to stand up and speak up. There are other places out there. Kind of like dating, there are other fish in the sea. Don't put up with BS if you don't have to. There are always people out there who WANT you in their lives in a mutual way and there are always people who are for you and not against you. Don't stay somewhere because it's "what we've done in the past". it may be scary at first, but amazing things can happen. Don't let anyone dull your sparkle, find people who add to it! Also, if you see something, speak up, others (like myself at the time), may not be able to.

-Rothrock Mom